As the 6th game of the season concluded, leaving six more games ahead, the principal of Joseph Barron Senior High School in Des Moines found himself compelled to take action. He made the difficult decision to terminate the employment of the new coach, former NFL quarterback Colin Kaepernick.

Kaepernick had taken on the role with minimal fanfare, seeking to maintain his connection to football. However, right from the outset, things took a turn for the worse. “The students simply couldn’t tolerate him,” remarked Principal Jack Bowman. “He seemed to have a knack for… causing annoyance.”

According to parents, they were kept in the dark about the identity of the coach, only being informed of his “impressive background in the sport.” It soon became apparent, however, that Kaepernick was advocating for players to kneel during the National Anthem after just three weeks.

With an 0-6 record after another three weeks, Bowman felt compelled to make a change.

ALLOD Sportsball Analyzer Tara Newhole notes that oddsmakers in Vegas had predicted Kaepernick’s tenure lasting between one and three seasons, so those who bet on the shorter duration are currently in a favorable position.

“If you had combined that wager with Taylor’s extravagant celebrations every time Travis Kelce made a play, you’d be ecstatic with your winnings.”

Football has certainly undergone significant changes, patriots. Nonetheless, there remains hope for the school to make a better choice in its next coaching selection. God Bless America.